Valentine's Day

I am not a big romantic, I don't need flowers or chocolate. But what I do want is for my husband to just order pizza in so that I don't have to make supper fair enough? Easy peasey? No. Not his fault really. He is a high school basketball coach and tonight is a home game and Homecoming for our school. So my Valentine dinner will be some of my son's nachos and some of my daughter's pretzel. Courtesy concession stand. oh la la!!

But I did get a good laugh on the husband...oh I hope he loves me and doesn't commit me.

Quiet house last night, kids in bed husband at the local tavern watching the KU game after men's rec ball. Cue...mom is bored...

Here it starts in text form. (I don't have one of those cool IPhones that take screen shots, because we live in BFE and the cell reception is very scetchy. So I will type the convo in...it's short don't worry.)

Fun app found on phone...change pictures into Zombies.... ok here it goes

Me to husband: Can't wait for you to get home...I like brains.

Husband to me: Did you straighten your hair. (funny guy)

Side note---Ok, this is when I sent him a pic of our beautiful 10year blond daughter Zombiefied. I won't put it on here, someone may turn me in for abuse. Ha! I hope!!

Me to Husband: along with Zombiefied daughter pic..I got tired of waiting on you so I ate on of the kids.

Best part Eva.....he types right back....."what in the hells wrong with you?" and an hour long of giggling ensues on my part!! Finally I quit laughing long enough to type back...Everything...brains nom, nom.....

So, I am not the only one that freaks out the husband...right???

First day of School!!!!

Ahhhhhh.....you hear that??? Silence. I love my kids to the moon and back but boy oh boy I am sure glad that school has started. We had an awesome summer, but it is time to get back into a routine. Which means bed early and mommas train wreck t.v. time is back to regularly scheduled programming. Keeps me sane, don't judge. :)
 I woke up extra early to get myself ready, and then woke the kiddos to get dressed and I made some pancakes and eggs. You know the first day is better with a cooked breakfast instead of pop-tarts. This is probably the one day of the whole school year that a.) there is no yelling to hurry up. b.) me telling them that they can finish eating in the car. And c.) I was organized!!!

Last night my poor girl wanted me to put curlers in her hair so that she could go to the first day with a new do. So I rolled (I called it "set", like  my grandma called it. she didn't get it. ) all of her hair. This morning when she woke up we pulled them out..and let say say our first 5th grade meltdown happened....her curls were so tight I look like a bad perm circa 1985. I could not quit laughing. A million memories of me, classmates, teachers, and moms with these tight perms popped in my head. Oh daughter was having none of it...and the water works started.."this day is going to be horrible, first my clothes don't come in (umm Old Navy your fast shipping, sucks) then my hair looks like Little Orhpan Annie, and I got no sleep because the curlers hurt my head." Whaaa whaaaa Then little brother walks in and see her Wat up big perm hair and says "wow". Oh man. I told her that it was up to her to turn it around and make it a great day, next year we will be giggling about this. Then I gave her time to calm herself and she joined us at the dinner table with a smile on her face. Then I told her I thought her hair looked prettier just the way she does it. And all was good. 

Next week we go camping in Colorado, and they just had a slight Earthquake and I am feeling all kinds of anxiety. If I wouldn't let down 9 other people I would so be bailing!!

I am going to leave you with some pics!! Leave me some will ya??? Feel like this blog is home, I am always talking to myself! :)

Learning the hard way.......

I think I am a careful person, I mean I try to be. I am afraid of pain, embarrassment, and failure. There are so many things I don't try because of one of those 3 things. Well, this past weekend....huh. I stepped out of my comfort zone and had all happen to me. Shaking head...I so knew better.

My very best friend of 20 years lives a mere 30 mins from me....and we barely see each other. I know so lame. But she has 3 kiddos, one of them being a 1 year, can ya say busy!!! And her husband is very social and they have lots of entertainment going. Yayayay excuse excuse. So when I do see her, there is always a ton of people around. You see we have a LARGE group of friends and when something comes up, it is very hard just to invite one or 2 to the party,event, etc.. Well I have been missing her something fierce. So I called her told her I wanted to take her on a date, just her and I. I needed to gab with her in private like we did at so many sleepovers in the past 20 years. I needed to trade youthful memories with someone who seen it all go up or down. She is the keeper of all secrets and the girl with the best heart ever.

Ok onto the point. So m husband and son go on a camping trip, and my daughter is at a sleepover for the night. She cam to my town a Town where she grew up and graduated, until the lucky fellow met her and married and whisked her 30 mins away. We hop in the car and I take her to the crappiest dive bar/diner 15 mins away, I wanted privacy and I didn't want our girl time interrupted. We had the best time there. We were the only people there, and made friends with the waitress and shared a chicken strip dinner. Greasy and good. Oh and had a beer. We finished our meal and started back to our town, when I said AG TOUR!!! Then I put a cd in of our songs from the past and we sang loud and jammed hard, told stories and made a pact that for our next big bday we were driving cross country to visit a friend. I can say it was one of the best time I have had in a long time. I missed her dearly and I am not going to wait so long to take her out again, even thought she thought i was a cheap date because we shared the diner!! HAHAHA
.........But darkness fell a few hours later and something terrible happened. We mat up with a couple of friends at the country club in town. Our close friend when out side to have a smokey and somehow tripped of the curb and fell on her face. Well, when we came out about 10 mins alter to leave she was face down on the cement. We thought maybe she drank too much and passed out? We were trying to get her awake and couldn't she was snoring very loudly and it sounded different. Well a guy walked out saw us trying to wake her up and he rolled her over......and my poor friend was covered in blood......I cannot express to you how scary this was, I called 911 right away. I kept screaming her name to wake up and she wouldn't. There was blood everywhere, all over her, us and cement. Buy the time they got her to the hospital she was somewhat responsive. She had a big gash on her forehead. My friend and I clung to each other wondering how we could have prevented it?? We couldn't have. Even though she will be ok, she looks like death warmed over, she is alive. But she, we are slightly broken. We should have learned not to drink so fast or to not pay well enough attention to our friend who had and then was left alone....But learning the hard way is a part of life and although I never want to see anything like again, we are lucky. Lucky she wasn't driving or ran over by a car. Lucky and learning the hard way are hand in hand right?????

MIA

Sorry, I have been MIA. About a month and and half ago my Dr. told me that i didn't have Mitral Valve Prolapse which I have been on a beta blocker for 7 and a half years. So he took me of the medication. Not weaned, took. He thought since I was on such a low dose I would be fine.  Ummmm then my body and my mind had a breakdown.

My body went in to a downward spiral of chemical unbalance. And I thought I was going crazy. Not just ha ha I feel weird, I mean I think I am losing my mind and they are going to lock me up.

I have always been a bit of a nervous Nelly, but my actions were certifiable. We have had some nasty weather here in good ole Kansas and with every Tornado threat I would lose it. Hyperventilating, sweating, and more anxiety that I thought I wasn't going to live through. For example my daughter was at a Girl Scout Swimming party on the last of school and we had an impending Tornado WATCH not WARNING (which is the take cover type of scary) I made my husband go get her from that party 2 hours early because I was scared to death that a tornado was going to demolish the county and I needed her by me. Thank the Lord that my husband followed my wishes, my daughter on the other hand was very mad at me. ( And no such tornado happened.) The days and the anxiety got worse. Really? Oh ya way worse. I went back to the Dr. and she put me on Paxil for anxiety, I was an overwhelmed mommy. I filled that prescription, by then my love/hate with Goggle happned. And I talked myself out of even taking it. I didn't want to endure all the horrible side effects, that in itself made me panic. Two weeks later, and I am not feeling any better I go back to the Dr. and tell her I don't want to be medicated full time can I just have something in case I just need the edge taken off? I then leave with a prescription of Ativan. Take it to the Pharmacy got get a quick bite of lunch with an old friend.....just as we are finishing up I start to feel real weird like I have got to bail out of this place and quick. I get to the pahramcy after and hour when they tell me it will be 45mins, and its another 15mins. My mind is spinning at this point, I'm by myself in the car, I'm sweating, nausea, and trying real hard to focus my brain and vision. I get the pills pop one in my mouth and start driving down the busy street in the city. Stopped at a red light on the phone with my friend, telling her how I am having the biggest meltdown of my life. All systems feel like they are shutting down. I am crying she is telling me to go back to the Dr. I had just left there an hour and a half ago. So by the grace of GOD and I mean it.  I get back to the Dr. and she says Oh my what happened?? My BP is high and my heart rate is out of control. She asked if I took one I said just now yes. She tells me to stay in the room for awhile until I calm down. It took about 20 longest minutes of my life. I was able to drive myself the 20mins home, my friend talk to me the whole time on the phone. Thank God for you Bridgett!! I was still feeling weird for about 3 hours after that. I told the Dr I think I need to go back on my beta blocker medicine and she agreed that I should have not stopped it so abruptly.

Good news is I lived thought that.  It has been a whirlwind of emotions, and I still have bouts of debilitating anxiety. But now I am feeling a bit better getting my BB back into my system and not every day but once in awhile I take an Ativan. I am still struggling and trying real hard to avoid medication and leaning on God awhole bunch, so I could us a couple prayers. :) I am so scared of losing myself to anxiety and missing some much in my families life. But I am trucking on, they need me and I need me. Thanks for listening, I know it was jumbled, I just had to spew it out.

Fun Facts about Moi!!

1.) First and foremost...I am a horrible speller. And this was my daughter's first year to be picked for the spelling bee. Some apples stay in the tree. (oh, she made it to the last round and lost on Limousine.)

2.) I adore run on sentences, I say this because I write/type like I talk. I my specialty, and it drives people nuts. I'm too old to change now. ;)

3.) I use emoticons, they make giggle, and it's annoys my husband.

4.) My husband and I have been together for 18 years this August. Married 10. Ya, ya it took awhile, and well worth it!

5.) We/I have lots of friends and sometimes get very overwhelmed trying to please everyone, but wouldn't change any of it.

6.) My parents divorced when I was 14 and it was very hard on me. I found out through a family member that my dad adopted me, I was angry and my dad and I didn't speak for 17 years and were recently reunited 3 years and have enjoy every minute of catching up. I had to learn to forgive and I wish I would have done it 17 years ago. Oh well keep on, keepin on!

7.) My mom is older, she will turn 70 this December and even though I am horrible at showing it, I think she is a great mother.

8.) I have a niece who is 11 days older than me. And we fight like sisters.

9.) I got my first tattoo when I was 14, I hate it. But it is a piece of me, and it looks horrible and my kids swear they will never get for that same reason. :)

10.) I LOVE reality t.v. The more dysfunctional the better. Hey, it's a vice, it could be worse.

11.) 4 years ago my athiest husband was guilted into going to a Promise Keepers weekend with our neighbor. His and our lives changed forever, he became a Christian and it was seriously the BEST thing to ever happen to us.  He is an amazing person and wonderful role model for our kids.

12.) For my random 33rd birthday I had an 80's Birthday party 65 people came and we rocked it. People still talk about how much fun it was. Maybe pics someday?

13.) I had c-sections with both of my kids, and never had one pain. Before or after. And people hate me for it. :)

14.) Being an angry child/teen had made me more aware of my childrens upbringing. I want them to be kind to everyone, and never take anything for granted.

15.) I love Bacon, and people buy me bacon related items all the time. I love that it is so bad for you, but tastes so damn good.

16.) I have awful Dr. anxiety, hate going to anythnig medical. I have been on a small dose of heart medicine for 7 years and they changed it because my body stopped using it?? And I have been stalking the web about the new medicine. I wish every day I could just go with the flow of whatever happens happens. I'm Amber and I am HIGH strung.

17.)Love to house people over to our house for get togethers. All the time. I say just a few people to my husband and it turns into 30 or 40. I can't stop, I like to entertain. Oh did I mention our house is 800 square feet and our neighbors are so close we could spit from our house to thiers? We have a love hate with them. HA!

18.) I love to cook and bake. But I am kinda bad at it. I have to look at recipes 500 times and it takes forever!! I am going to stick with it and learn to be an amazing cook.

19.) I started bowling as a sub this year and I love it!! I hadn't bowled in 10 years, and I rocked at it. Not to toot my own horn!  Toot Toot!! But I did get my first ever turkey!! (that's bowling 3 strikes in a row. for some it's normal, and I will probably never do it again. But it's my claim to fame.)

20.) WAKE UP!! #20 If you made it this far and your not asleep, thank you!!

It feels like Christmas Mom!!!

So this morning my almost 10 year old got her braces off. She has had cement spacers and appliances on since July 2009. I loved watching her excitment this morning as she straightened her hair, pick out the right outfit, and made sure she brushed her teeth until they shined.  I am so proud of her for never complaining about the restrictions braces put on her, (candy) and she embraced her beautiful metal mouth. Now we have retainers for a (long) while, and hopefully I put enough fear into her not to lose them. They are very expensive to replace, and I hope she is responsible enough to be aware.  Here is a couple pics. Enjoy the day!!

Cake Decorator? More like Cake Destroyer!! A lot like Conan, just with more sugar.

Sunday my new to the family had a 13th Birthday. As in new his dad just married my niece. And she loves this new teenager to pieces. She as of yet doesn't have any kiddos, but she make up for it with her new Step-son, and I think he likes her just as much. Well, pretty much she is always calling me for advice, weddings, parenting, remolding, cooking, and so forth. Most of the time I think I give her bad/crappy advice, come who are we kidding my ideas, well they really aren't that great....hence the story coming up..... Well, she was asking how much cake she needed to buy for this x amount of people, blah blah....until she told the prices of the 2 from our local Superstore. $28-38 BUCKS!! For a crappy generic sheet cake??? Say whatttt??? I tell her you should just make a couple different boxes of cupcakes?? Way cheaper, and spend the extra dough you are saving on a cool present for him. Whaaa whhaaa I don't have time she says I work all weekend....crickets...Oh, I say I can do them I'm free all day Saturday no big deal, I can whoop out cupcakes in no time. Just bring me the mixes and since I have never made homemade icing I am going to experiment on these...bats eyelashes, how hard can it be? Yay she says, he likes KU and I bought 13 candles they won't fit on cupcakes, you think you make a smaller cake just for him? Umm starts to sweat. Absolutely!!

Fast forward to Saturday morning I call my friend who is majorly talented in the crafting of cakes and such...and know how to draw more than stick people, like myself. I say umm the icing recipe calls for a paddle piece on the mixer, is that a big deal if I don't have that? Ummm slightly, giggling. Well, my mixer which is a (ghetto) um less than stellar than most talented cake makers. I have wanted a Kitchen Aid for as long as I can remember. Been begging everyone with a heartbeat in my family for years. My mom bought the one I have now, it was a good deal, she only $14 a week for like 5 years out of Fingerhut. Oh mom, you so don't get it. But I love ya!!

So friend comes over brings the most aawesomeness Kitchen Aid mixer eva!!! It was black and big!! Ahh was was a real beaut. Loved her!!! My friend says to me agh it just sits in the cabinet, I brought all the attachment in case you talk me into leaving here with you for awhile????? WHATTTT!!???  No way could I keep that, if something happened to that thing I don't think my FingerHut one would suffice.

So we get going, oh did I mention I forgot the recipe at work? No problem I remember it, kinda.

Well I didn't remember that you needed to sift the powered sugar. Ughhh and that my friends is a major part of the equation. Oh and did I mention that I had to go buy gels instead of food coloring? Or the fact that I had no idea that you needed to put cakes in the freezer so much to frost? Or that you need to smooth down frosting with a warm water knife? OY OY!! Too much!!

It was a learning lesson and I may try again. Here are some crappy pics for you to giggle at, go ahead I did. And I also ate alot of grainy, buttery icing. Be jealous. :)